The Path of Decay

I've been reading lots of great blogs lately, and it's intimidating me. Plus, I'm worried that I'll subconsciously plagiarize one a few months down the road, when I think a good idea has miraculously come to me in my sleep! I need to not read other blogs.

Anyway, David's 50th birthday is a few days away, and he's in somewhat of a funk about it. He's kicking and screaming in protest as he marches down the path of decay. I, on the other hand, am going to make an awesome old person, and here are 12 reasons why:

1. I  frequently get up at dawn. I like mornings. (If I have coffee. Preferably coconut.)
2. I think restaurants should start serving lunch at 10:30 a.m. (Unless it's a pizza place, in which case they should be open all night. WHY aren't pizza places open for breakfast?!)
3. I'm so lazy that I can't wait to have my very own motorized scooter/ chair.
4. I see nothing wrong with dinner at 4:30.
5. I laugh hysterically at shows like "Golden Girls" and "Hot in Cleveland." In addition, I clap and yell "Good answer!" when watching Family Feud (unless their answer sucks, at which point I tell them they're stupid), and I'm great at solving the puzzles on "Wheel of Fortune"
6. I already cut my meat up into really small pieces; when I'm old it will be easier to chew.
7. I have no problem asking for directions if I get lost.
8. I already pee a little if I laugh too hard. Or cough. Or sneeze.
9. I'm all set for when I go deaf, because I like having the closed captioning on when I watch TV.
10. I have 4 cats.
11. Gravity and I have already come to terms with each other.
12. And best of all, I have a huge bank of wild memories for when I go senile and live in the past.