Self delusion

I have come to the startling conclusion (well, I was startled- my friends and family, probably not so much) that I am far more fun online, and in my head, than I am in person. I’m not saying this to down myself- I know I can be witty, entertaining, and pleasant company, even when standing next to you! My problem is I rarely WANT to go stand next to someone! I’m not agoraphobic, but I REALLY like staying home. A good day is when I don’t have to get dressed and go somewhere. I don’t like going to picnics in the summer, because I hate to be hot and I hate bugs. I would just as soon hibernate like a bear from November till March, so that I’m not shivering. I do like to explore museums and points of interest in optimal weather conditions, but then my knees hurt because I’m fat and I’m old. When I went on a whale watch, while everyone was gasping, “Look there’s ANOTHER whale, and THIS one has a calf with it!” I was thinking “It’s the tenth freaking whale we’ve seen- can’t we turn around and go back, before I toss my cookies? Get a high-def TV and watch Nat Geo- it’s a much better view.”



Even one of my favorite “not at home” activities is (go figure) almost an extension of being home. I love to drive in my car. My own little isolated bubble. When I was in my twenties, my friend Marie and I would just go out driving for hours. Talking, listening to music, and exploring the area. My theory was and is that you’re never lost, because you always end up SOMEWHERE. My daughter shares my driving quirk- some of our best conversations have happened during car rides, and there were countless times she’d say, “No, don’t go home- I like this song- let’s drive some more!”


Good news for me though....some studies say your subconscious mind can’t tell the difference between imagining doing something, and actually doing it. (Your conscious mind knows, of course, unless you are delusional) So there! If that’s the case, as an avid reader, I’ve done a LOT, subconsciously, all from the comfort of my couch! In fact, new research is suggesting that visualization can actually strengthen muscles, not to the extent of performing an actual exercise, but in a measurable amount. See here. No one will even have to go to the gym!


 I don’t want to jump out of a plane. I don’t want to climb a mountain because it’s there. (Although I WILL look at pictures of it on Google) I don’t want to go to most gatherings and make small talk, or go shopping for hours, or go bar hopping. I hated tubing down the river (rapids were scary)  and I’m convinced that either that a shark will eat me, or I will drown in a rip current, if I go past my knees in the ocean. (although I REALLY like sitting on a deck OVERLOOKING the ocean, while I read my book : / )

Yes, in real life, I’m Boring with a capital B. But in my mind, damn I’m fun to be around!