Seize the Shore

I've decided to do something impractical, scary, and exhilarating, all rolled into one.

I'm going on vacation by myself. Nothing too extreme- no trek through the Swiss Alps- just a few days in Maine, oceanside. David couldn't get the time off, and our annual room was already booked; I had a decision to make.

I could go with a friend- I knew several who could use a break. I could give the room to someone else. The girls have an anniversary coming up. The boy and his girlfriend would probably jump at the chance. Another couple I know haven't been able to afford a vacation in years. Then a faint little voice inside me said "Wait" and I realized that instead of taking care of everyone else and making them happy, it was time to take care of me.

I had to do battle with myself over the decision. For someone with an anxiety disorder, to "throw off the bowlines and sail away from the safe harbor" isn't an easy thing to do. A midnight panic attack is hard enough to get through in my living room, never mind alone in a hotel room, far away from home.

Still, I'm going. For three days and two nights next week, I'm going to be on my own. I'm going to sleep when I want, eat when and what I want, read when I want, and wander the shops.I'm going to watch the sun rise, and talk to strangers, and drive down unknown roads. I'm going to be introspective, and ponder the meaning of life, and stick my toes in the sand until they grow numb from the frigid Maine waters. I'm going to fall asleep alone in a strange place, but with the ocean roaring in my ears.

“I crossed the street to walk in the sunshine.”

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love